Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
