Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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