My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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