I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
