Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
