uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found the puke drawer
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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