This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
