My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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