the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All the doctor said was why
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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