oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
