You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
