How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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