Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
