If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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