She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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