i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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