when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
