I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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