I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
