I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
