Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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