just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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