New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
