If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize