she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
