I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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