i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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