But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
