I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
