I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
