Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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