I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
