I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
