So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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