Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
