saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sext me about skeletons
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
