I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
