i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
