it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
