I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
