I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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