I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
