her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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