I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
