are you so shy because you have an std?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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