things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
