Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
