u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
