Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
