dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
