you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
