you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
