Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
