No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize