smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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