They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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