Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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