Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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