People in love make me want to vomit
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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