So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
