I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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