I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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