Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
